New Year, New Fear

Hello Beautiful People and a very happy (if slightly belated) New Year to you all!

I can’t quite work out how 2014 flashed by so fast, but here we are in 2015 and this wee blog has just celebrated its first birthday.

Last New Year I wrote a post called "Make 2014 the year you take some risks". If you haven’t had a look at it, go and have a wee gander at it now before you read this. The sentiments can be applied just as easily to 2015 as they did to 2014. Go on, give it a glance, off you trot, that’s the ticket.

As you can probably gather from the title, I’m a tad apprehensive about going into 2015, but before we get to that let’s have a 2014 recap. (This is gonna be a long one guys, grab a brew and get comfy.)

In January, I started a placement volunteering for the arts charity HOOT which has turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done. I’ve met so many lovely people and gained so much from working there. It has been fantastic and I loved every minute of it.


February and March were fairly crappy months for me but were improved greatly by being able to spend some time in Edinburgh, drinking obscene volumes of tea with my lovely friend Kate and by Ireland winning the Six Nations, cheers for that one lads.

In April and May, I turned 20, submitted my final assignments of second year and returned with Bethany to the magical fairy land that is Knockengorroch. Much terrible dancing took place for which I do not apologise, I attended a wedding of some people I don’t know whilst wearing a cat mask, travelled in the back of a carpet van with lots of other smelly and soggy people and then when I got home I spontaneously bought a broken autoharp that I am still yet to repair…Knock will do that to you.

I kicked off the summer by going back to school as a production assistant for their summer performance of FAME.  I love going back because I means that I get to play around with large planks of wood, be trusted with tools that I don’t 100% know how to operate, and splash large amounts of brightly coloured paint onto enormous sheets of canvas. I also got to design some pretty cool programmes as well this year (hello theatre companies, you know want to hire me!)

Summer was a pretty mixed bag. I seemed to waste a huge amount of sunny days slaving away behind a counter, making coffee and sandwiches for the good people of Kendal, but it wasn’t all bad. My friend became a mum to the most beautiful baby boy ever, I went to the first ever Underneath the Stars festival (which was INCREDIBLE), went back to Cropredy (as always) and spent a few day up in Edinburgh at the Fringe. So pretty good overall.

Then towards the end of August I took the first step towards finally kicking my travel anxiety in the arse and flew to Belfast on my own to volunteer on a farm. I got to build bird hides, raised beds, reroof a roundhouse, worm some sheep, travel to Dublin, visit the Cliffs of Moher, see the Giants Causeway and meet some truly wonderful people. Throughout the whole month I was there I only had two anxiety attacks and they were both in Manchester Airport before I’d even set off.  I survived airports, aeroplanes and double decker buses, in cities I don’t know, on my own and I’m so proud of myself for it. All the gold stars and chocolate medals to me, thank you!

In the Autumn I started my final year of university (I refuse to believe I’m old enough for this) and moved into a new house with the same old fabulous girls. I started back volunteering at HOOT which is still just as fun. I also got to spend 4 weeks working as production assistant for Bent Architect Theatre Company in the build up to the opening of England Arise!. It was brilliant to be able to work with them again and so lovely to see the production process through from start to finish. (Again, theatre people, please hire me, I make good tea.)

November and December seemed to fly by in a blur and suddenly it was the holidays and I was celebrating Christmas and New Year with some of the loveliest family and friends a girl could ask for. Not bad 2014, not bad.

So onto 2015 and what is most definitely going to be the scariest year of my life so far. For the first time in my life, I don’t have a plan any more. My last piece of university work is due in on May 6^th and after that I have no idea what I’m doing.

That is terrifying.

Really feckin’ terrifying.

Until now there has always been a plan, school, then sixth form, then uni, then…?

I haven’t got a clue what’s going to happen post uni and that is really scary, but it’s also really exciting. Admittedly there is the possibility that I will succumb to the fate of many a fresh faced graduate. There is a chance that I will fail to find a job, be forced to move back in with the parents and spend many days of dismal unemployment, filling out job application in my pjs until someone offers me a minimum wage, pen pushing, 9-5, ‘drain the life and soul out of you’ job that I eagerly accept in a desperate attempt to make some sort of progress.

But that is a slightly pessimistic outlook (although in the current climate, a potentially realistic one) and there are many other much more exciting possibilities. I can’t tell you what those possibilities are because frankly I don’t know, but the point is they are out there, if you look for them. Good things do sometimes come to those who wait, but more often they come to those who get off their arses and hunt them down. So go on, get looking!

I got given a Five Year Line A Day Diary for Christmas and the only resolution I’m making this year is to fill it in every day. I have no idea where this next year will take me, let alone the next five, and I want to keep a record of it all. I still haven’t achieved a lot of the things I hope too and there are still a lot of things out there that scare me, but right now the idea of being scared doesn’t terrify me as much as it used to. 2014 taught me that sometimes the things that seem scary are the things that are most fun and rewarding. So, what does it matter if I haven’t got any plans for the rest of my life post May, I’m sure something will crop up. And yes, I’m still working on last year’s challenge of developing a liking for whiskey (it’s not going well) but I am now partial to a brandy and I think that’s a step the right direction. And maybe I still haven’t danced on any tables or sung for a gang of veteran folkies in the back room of an old blokes boozer, but I did (slightly drunkenly) sing the Dalesman’s Litany to a room full of bemused students and win a toy meerkat for my troubles, so that’s something.

Without wanting to get too preachy and self-righteous on you all (and let’s be honest, there’s already been a certain level of pretentious twaddle so far) but if I’ve learnt anything over the last couple of years, it’s that life is there to be lived. It has become painfully apparent that life can be horribly cruel and that it can be cut unfairly short in a heartbeat, so it shouldn’t be wasted it on crap that makes you miserable. If there’s something you want to do, just get out there and do it whilst you can. Do things that excite you and make you happy. Try not panic about forming a long term plan, focus on the here and now and what makes you smile.

In the words of Frank Turner;

Happy New Year m’dears!

Love

S

xxx