Hello Beautiful People!
I am the Queen of
Procrastination; the action of delaying or postponing something. You might
think you’re pretty good at it, but trust me, you’ve got nothing on me. I’m so
good at it that I’ve now mastered the art of procrastinating the procrastination. I can avoid doing the things that I was doing to get out of doing the actual task
I’m meant to be. Genius. I now do it subconsciously. I don’t even realise I am procrastinating,
it comes so naturally. I’ll end up doing seemingly productive things to avoid
doing the actual things!
I feel I may have over used the
word ‘thing’ there somewhat. Nevermind.
To help you in your quest to master the art of procrastination, I have put together this ever so handy guide to assist you in your endeavours.
1) Make Tea
It’s impossible to start work
without a having a good brew first. There is no way you are going to achieve
anything, unless you’ve partaken of a steaming mug of Yorkshire tea beforehand.
Don’t even think about attempting to make a start on your work yet. I don’t
care if you’ve got a deadline looming, move away from your desk, stick the
kettle on and set about making the hot beverage of your choice. That is an
order ladies and gentlemen.
2) Drink Tea
Now you’ve gone to all the effort to make your tea, you need to do it justice and drink it properly.
Don’t even think about trying to multitask by working and drinking your tea
simultaneously. Not only will this cause you miss the optimum tea drinking
temperature (resulting in a mouthful of cold tea and ruined dreams), there is
also the possibility that you may become so distracted by your work that you
completely forget about your tea, only to discover the mug, full yet stone-cold
and undrinkable. This of course is a capital offence and really not worth the
risk. I suggest you accompany your tea drinking with the much safer activity of
daytime T.V. consumption.
3) Open a Word Document
Right your tea break is over. It
is now definitely time to crack on with some work. Open up that word document
and type in the title. Spend ages sorting out the font, the type size, the
right spacing. Perfection is key to all work.
4) Get Offered Tea by Housemate
Just as your about to start work,
there is a knock on your door. It’s your housemate offering you a cup of tea.
Despite knowing that you really should decline and get on with your work, you
are obliged to accept because much like leaving a mug of tea to go cold, it is
a crime punishable by death to refuse a good brew. Anyway, you never know when
you’re next going to be offered tea, so it would be silly to refuse. Furthermore,
you can’t leave them to go and make the tea on their own, that would make you
seem rude and unhelpful. It is mandatory that you leave your desk, make you way
downstairs, and engage said tea maker in small talk, whilst they put the kettle
on. If you’re feeling especially helpful, you can pass them the milk. If
you’re lucky, the small talk may turn into a proper conversation, allowing the procrastinator
to while away a good half hour by drinking tea and chatting.
5) Get Dressed
It’s normally around this point
of the day that I realise there is no way on God’s green earth that I’m going
to achieve any level of productivity, if I’m sat in sweatpants and t-shirt that
has more holes in it than a block of Edam. Cue unnecessarily prolonged period
of getting ready! If I’m going to tackle this beast of an essay like a pro, I
need to both look and feel the part, and so do you! After all, it is a truth
universally acknowledged that persons wishing to succeed must be in possession
of perfectly even, winged eyeliner, or ‘tis all for naught.
6) Tidy Room
Now you are dressed and ready to take on
anything, it will become quickly apparent that it’s impossible to work
effectively if your desk resembles a bomb site. You cannot be expected to work
in such an unorganised environment; it does nothing for the productivity levels.
There really is nothing for it; you will have to tidy up. Depending on how dedicated
you are to the procrastination cause, this can be anything from a quick rearranging of your desk, to a full blown spring clean, involving hoovers and
washing machines.
7) Lunch break
After all that strenuous tiding,
you will be feeling pretty worn out and there is no point attempting work
whilst your energy levels are so depleted. It is of paramount importance that
you get some food in you. Take a lunch break. This should last between 30
minutes to an hour, so you can multitask by catching up on some essential T.V.
viewing. This can also be used as an opportunity to distract your housemate
from doing their work, thus prolonging the time you can avoid work on the pretence
of a lunch break.
8) Go for walk
Feeling drowsy after lunch, it’s
crucial that to go outside and get some fresh air. If you stay cooped up inside
all day you’ll never get anything done. A good walk may inspire you and give
you fantastic ideas for your work. It’s also a brilliant way of killing time.
9) Have more tea
You’ve been for a walk, so of
course you need a refreshing cup of tea. That’s not procrastination my friend, that’s
just common sense! You’ve also got to have something to keep you going until
dinner, so I suggest helping yourself a couple biscuits as well.
10) Do all other work
Whilst you were getting organised
in your tiding spree earlier on, you’ve most likely come across lot of little
things that you need to check off your To Do list. Why not get them done now?
They won’t take that long and they were probably subconsciously distracting you
from doing you big piece of work anyway. Tell yourself that once they are out
of the way, there will be nothing to distract you from finally setting about
that essay or whatnot.
11) Time for Dinner
I know, I know, you really were
about to start working and then you saw the time and realised how hungry you
were. That’s a perfectly good reason to leave your desk. Everybody needs to
eat. Don’t rush yourself, food is meant to be enjoyed. Make yourself something
really tasty as a treat for getting all of those little jobs done. Maybe have a
cheeky pudding as well, put your feet up, you deserve it, after all, you tidied
your room today!
12) Too Late To Start Work Now
It’s evening now. There is really
no point in starting any work, you’re clearly not going to be productive at
this time of day. The only sensible thing to do is to get in to bed, put a film
on and devour an entire packet of cookies in one sitting.
BONUS - The Last Resort
Finally, when you have exhausted
all other forms of procrastination, and you have come dangerously close to
starting whatever it is you’re avoiding, the only thing left to do is to write
a blog post about the previously mentioned forms of procrastination.
Good luck avoiding work people.
Love
S
xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment